Monday, December 21, 2009

This Water Is Delicious. Seriously, Try Some Of This Water... Right?!?!

Seeing that this is the shortest day of the year I couldn't find a reason for not making this the longest article title of the year. Actually, I just making that up. I've been looking for a fake reason to make a long title like that and this is as good a fake reason as any. Oh, and look at that - less than a week since I wrote a post. My non-shaving plan is working out splendidly. I probably wouldn't have chosen today as a great day to write, but my beard is itchy.

Man oh man, is St Louis proud of it's water. And to be completely honest, they should be. As someone who was germophobically opposed to drinking from the tap, as soon as I drank St. Louis water, I was hooked. I'm seemingly not the only one who agrees. I saw a recent tweet from Mayor Slay (who does do his own tweets!) that claimed that St Louis water ranks as one of the tops in the country for cleanliness and taste.
You know what's hard about being Mayor? Everyone wants to prove you wrong, me included. Can we get an answer from the Google machine? *pointing to the top right of my screen* Google machine: "bleep bloop blop beep" Well, look at what we have here. Saint Louis ranks as having the 9th best water in the entire US of A for 2009.
Yes, I realize this doesn't make sense. We get our water from the Mississippi River - the garbage disposal of Chicago. Look, I don't make the rules here. It's states plainly on the Environmental Working Group's website that they are indeed "scientists," and if I know one thing about scientists it's that they specialize in science. Don't fight it. It makes you seem like the crazy one.
Now for the tricky one. Who cares how clean your water is if it tastes like a sewer? Plus, scientists can't prove that something tastes better than something else (actually they can - they're scientists and can do anything). Well, here's an idea. Get hundreds of the country's Mayors together, have them all rate tap waters, tabulate the results, get yourself a winner, and pray that nothing important happens the weekend of the year where no town has a mayor. Oh, it's happened? And St Louis wins! Wow, we really are in water heaven.
I've saved thousands, perhaps millions, of dollars on bottled water since I've moved here and it's all thanks to you, City of St Louis Water Division. I have no idea how you can take Chicago's sewage and somehow turn it into better water than the stuff they drink up there, but hats off to you. And from the looks of your website, I'd say you guys are still busy. The latest news is a rate hike in 2008 that was right on the heels of your win for best tasting water. I'm going to pretend you're working with scientists to make it even better. Think about it! New and improved water! I'd gladly pay more gents. For dramatic emphasis I think I'd like to write that again. I'd gladly pay more.
Immediately going to shave.


Smarty McFly said...

I think St. Louis should change its name to Water City.

Jennifer said...

Not to get technical on ya or anything, but I think the Mississippi is technically Minneapolis's sewer, not Chicago's. Cuz, um, it doesn't go to Chicago.

What worries me about water is that no matter how they filter it, the prozac and the female hormone birth control residue is getting through, unless they install these really fancy filtering processes that no one is going to agree to fund. So what's all those girly hormones doing to your beard, Jim?

Jim Barnthouse said...

Ahh Jennifer, I'm glad you went all technical on my ass. If you look at the history of the Chicago river, you'll see that they performed and engineering miracle back in the day to reverse the flow away from Lake Michigan and towards the Mississippi basin. Here's a little something form Wikipedia, which is never wrong:

"The Chicago River is a river that runs 156 miles (251 km)[1] and flows through Chicago, including the downtown. Though not especially long, the river is notable for the 19th century civil engineering feats that directed its flow south, away from Lake Michigan, into which it previously emptied, and towards the Mississippi River basin. This was done for reasons of sanitation."



Your comment does concern me though. Will people really think I don't know that the Mississippi river does not run through Chicago? Yikes.

I've actually really been enjoying the prozac and who the hell knows what's going on with this beard of mine. Thanks for the call out!

Bridget said...

I've been known to fill gallon milk jugs with St Louis water and take it to my sister in Maine...their water smells like rotten have to hold your breath while showering!

Dave said...

I'm pretty sure that St. Louis' water does not come from the Mississippi but other river sources.

Having lived in both STL and Chicago, I can't say either water was particularly good or bad. Most major cities seem to have decent water.