Tuesday, February 9, 2010

EMERGENCY POST!

beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. This is an emergency post from the Arch Observer emergency weird beard shaving broadcasting system. This is, in fact, a real emergency. In the event there wasn't one you'd wonder why they make this drag on and then before it's finally over do one more long, loud beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Luckily, as I said before, this is a real emergency and since I've never heard what a real one sounds like, I'll just assume a dude comes on and says, "Look, we're all gonna die. Here are the secrets we, the government, have been keeping from you. Secret #1: There is no Delaware - We made it up. Secret #2: Benjamin Franklin invented casual Friday's so we could figure out who the weirdos in the office were. Secret #3..." And on and on.
Anyway, sorry about the emergency. I had a work-related picture taking today and I needed to shave for it. Since I have no time left today to write a proper Arch Observer post, I'm going to use my short time to put out a missing water containers report.
Last Saturday I was at another sellout Arch Rival Roller Girls bout. It was at this M-80's vs Smashinista's bout (full disclosure: I bench coach for the Smashies) when I lost my dear 3-year-old, white Sigg water bottle. I only set it down for a moment and then, poof, it was gone like Kaiser Soze. Well, needless to say I feel like I've lost a part of me. Specifically, the part of me I drink out of.
Here's a picture from Kaboodle that suspiciously looks exactly like *my* Sigg bottle. Interestingly, if you go to that page and click to buy, the item is not found. There is something very strange going on and it's got Kaboodle written all over it. I wonder if -
AMBER ALERT: Reported abduction of a Sigg bottle. Last seen sitting atop the M-80's bench. The bottle is white, has multiple large dents and is called, but will not respond to the name Dolton. If you see this bottle please contact ArchObserver.com immediately.
Seriously. I'm drinking out a glass here...

5 comments:

Holmey_STL said...

You are such a card, love your posts!

Courtney Brunsfeld said...

This post is really hilarious, even though it's not a "real" post. I'm sorry about the water bottle. I really thought I was going to be right about the bout lost and found thing... You know how I tried to say I know everything? Apparently, I know nothing and am pretty much always wrong. Sorry.

quirken said...

Jimbo: Blessing in disguise. Three year old Sigg bottles had an inner liner that contained BPA. The very same chemical they would have you believe you were avoiding by using a Sigg. So go splurge on a new one, with the yellowish liner. totally BPA free, baby.

And no, that is not me on the ArchObserver home page. What the shit?

Bridget said...

I think quirken figured out secret #3.

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