How Do You Wake Up A Sleeping City? Yelp!

It's not like I'm constantly thinking about how St Louis can improve, but I do think about it a lot. Case in point: As you know, one of the most important discussions you can have at work (besides the validity of Mark Wahlberg as an "actor") is what is everyone having for lunch. During a one those deep discussions last week a co-worker was wondering what he can get in the downtown vicinity fast. Then it hit me. I sat back in my seat in complete and utter shock. My jaw figuratively fell to the floor. My brows literally furrowed in a way that makes my forehead wrinkle so strangely that it can only be compared weird-wise to the likes of my Weird Beard. Yes, I'm exaggerating. Well, not about the forehead.

Anyway, you're likely asking why you're still reading about me describing my shock. Relax, I'm trying to build drama. Here comes the payoff... While my co-worker wondered where he can pick up food quick, I realized that there isn't a McDonald's downtown! How is that possible? They're everywhere! I think there was one in my basement when I was a kid. Actually, I should clarify that there *are* McDonald's in "downtown" St Louis. There's one pretty far south on Jefferson and Google maps (The Mickey D's listed on there are incorrect) tells me there's one on Tucker a few blocks north of Washington Ave, but I wouldn't count either of those walkable to the everyday downtown worker. Not that this is a bad thing.

It's not like not having a McDonald's is a huge loss. I, personally, don't even eat fast food. It's just weird to imagine a major downtown area without one! Growing up in the suburbs of Chicago it's hard not to find two McDonald's within a mile of each other. And in downtown Chicago, if it's not McDonald's it's something else. No matter which way you swing a love handle there will likely be a fast food restaurant begging you to try their new "premium" something. Try that in downtown St Louis and you'll quickly notice that your stomach will be pointing at almost anything other than a fast food joint.

And that's where it gets even weirder. There really isn't a lot of chain restaurants downtown. Going even further, there aren't very main chains of anything! There are very few stores you'll recognize when traveling in the core of the business district. Where am I going with all this? Well, what you *will* see is a downtown stocked with locally owned small businesses.

Yes! Another thing that makes downtown St Louis awesome! It hasn't been destroyed by Walmart-like corporate invasion. I realize some of this wouldn't hurt. Hell, I'd be crazy excited for a downtown Apple store. What we have now, though, is a local business heaven and we need to preserve it.

It's no secret many downtown restaurants are struggling. There's just not enough people here to fill all of them all the time. But it's getting there. I foresee a time not so far away where every empty storefront is bustling with customers... Where it will be difficult to get a table on a Tuesday night at Jade... Where El Borracho will need to kick a full bar of people out at closing... Where we'll all be driving flying cars... Here's the cool part. I'm not the only one.

Perhaps the most telling sign that downtown St Louis is about to explode is that the local business-centric website, Yelp, has begun investing in making a presence here. Yelp is huge in most of the major US cities and they've recently installed a St Louis Community Manager (the person in charge of sponsorships and organizing Yelpers) who'll be expanding their operations in the coming months. What this means for local businesses is that they'll be getting support not only from a large online community, but free promotion. That is, if they want it. Too often small businesses ignore what people are saying about them online. A smart business owner will take advantage of what Yelp brings them - direct discussion with their customers that potential customers will very likely see. This city is on gigantic opportunity and we need to take advantage of any help others are willing to give us.

So there. We don't need McDonald's if we've already got great local businesses that offer good food fast. Oh, you don't know where to go or if you'll like it? Hmm... Try Yelp. And feel free to contribute. We'll only get out of it what we put in it. I think I'll end this with a Yelp review I wrote for the aforementioned Jade. Too bad Yelp doesn't accept reviews of Mark Wahlberg... It wouldn't be pretty.

Jade Restaurant and Lounge
910 Olive St.
St Louis, MO 63101


The first thing you'll notice about Jade is exactly what you won't notice... A large, well placed sign. It's a bit hard to find - especially on a dark rainy night.

The great news is that everything else about it is delightful! From the decor, to the cleanliness, to the excellent and accommodating staff, I was pleasantly surprised on my visit to Jade Restaurant and Lounge.

The food? Another win. If you judge your asian food on the deliciousness of the crab rangoon like so many St Louisans do, you'll be very happy you chose to dine there. It's hand made, crisp and not too greasy. Pretty much everything you want in a rangoon.

I, however, judge almost solely on the spicy tuna roll. And let me tell you... it was the best I've had in St Louis. That's no joke. Perhaps it was just a good night for the Sushi chef, but I haven't had better here. The tuna was fresh, the rice perfectly cooked and the spiciness was just right. I'll be a patron of Jade again sometime soon just to make sure it's as good as I had the first time. Until then, 4 stars!

One caveat - when I was there it was mostly empty similar to other reviews here. Being a new restaurant I hope people give it a chance. If the problem is that you can't find it, just go to the corner that Culinaria is on and walk west. When you smell crab rangoon take a left and enter the door. You're either in an Asian restaurant at that point or somebody's apartment building. If you're in an Asian restaurant, you're probably at Jade! Sit down and order some saki. If you're in an apartment building, look at the resident listing like you're pretending to visit someone. Then feign a cell phone call and say out loud, "Oh, you're at Jade? I'll be right there!" This saves embarrassment. Now leave and start over from Culinaria.

P.S. Since this review was written Jade's business has considerably picked up. I'm happy to say you'll now find it much busier! Also, here's some of my other reviews to peruse.

A Year In St Louis... (Plus My Top Five Moments)

So, I guess I can't call myself "the new guy" anymore, can I? This Saturday it'll have been a year since I packed up the rental truck and made the long trek down to St Louis from Chicago on January 2nd. In anticipation of the move, I started ArchObserver.com on December 18th 2008 with this post, so I suppose the One year anniversary of the blog has already past. It's so funny looking back at that post because it reminds me of just how much of a crazy thing it was to move here on such short notice. This resonates - "I'm doing this alone and I have no idea what I'm doing." That sentence is dead on. But then again, I'm not sure I ever really know what I'm doing. Hell, the same could be said about this blog (the story of which can be found in this post about the newspaper article from back in July). The good news is that, even after a year I find something I love about St Louis everyday.

Keep in mind I could never say that about anywhere I've ever lived. From the way Soulard looks in the morning (I think it's at it's most historic around 7:36 A.M.), to the my recent fascination with the old streetcar system, there are so many forgotten layers to this city that I don't think I'll ever get bored seeking them all out. Of course, St Louis wouldn't be worth anything without the people. Congratulations on being super nice, STL! That said, my top five St Louis moments/places/things this year...

5 _ Going to ridiculous amounts of Cardinals games

I could probably pick a top five moments that just involve being at a baseball game, but I'm particularly fond of the game that, I think, went 15 innings. By the time it got to the 11th inning I was able to get right up behind the Cards dugout and watch the game from there. Pujols won it at 1 A.M. on a double to center. Good times.

4 _ Training for the Marathon in Forest Park

You have no idea how many hours I spent running that 5.6 mile circle. I know it like the back of my hand - which incidentally I'm not sure I could pick out of a lineup of hand backs. For blogging purposes let's just go with it as a figure of speech. Anyway, there is nothing that equals this park in terms of sheer and audacious usefulness. To give you an idea how much other cities should wish they had a park like this, let's do a little comparison skit I'll just type off the top of my head. Okay, so pretend you're crazy thirsty. Because this is just fiction let's really go for it and say you've been looting sporting goods stores all day and you're parched. Now, you have this tree in your backyard, but all it does is grow stupid leaves. Well, it just so happens your neighbor has a tree too, but all it does is grow delicious water. You'd want that water right? Of course you would. And, somehow, I've lost my point here... Anyway, it's awesome. Yeah, that's what Forest Park is like.

3 _ Mardi Gras St Louis

As fully reported in this early Arch Observer post, this was likely the most fun I've had all year and that's saying something. I doubt this year will be able to live up to last, but I'm certainly willing to give it a try.

2 _ The Mississippi River

Sure, she's a nasty beast. Floods, murder, general grossness and a dark shade of mud aside, she's still what made St. Louis what it is today. I've been lucky enough to drive along side of her and the Arch on the way to work for the past month, and although there's that big shiny symbol of St Louis on my left, I'm mostly drawn to looking out over the water on my right. The strange thing is that I don't know why I'm so drawn to it in the first place. I suppose it's the raw and natural power of it. The fact that it's such a symbol of America and an important natural resource might have something do with it, but I have a feeling it has a lot to do with it being a natural boundary. Almost like it's protecting us... And I don't mean from East St Louis.

1 _ Supporting Downtown

I think what I love most about St Louis is the opportunity. We have this downtown full of historic and interesting buildings (many of which stand empty) that have so much potential. I've loved being a part of and supporting the new life that's popping up all over town. There's such opportunity for this city to reinvent itself and I want in. I was just speaking with someone who is also not originally from St Louis about living here and they mentioned that this is a city where you can make what you want of yourself. There aren't very many obstacles. That's true on many levels and the same could be said of downtown. This infrastructure is a clay that can be molded into a true 21st century city. We have all the pieces - all we need is some people who want get dirty. (You'll see some of them in the blogroll - check them out.)

Yeah, I know, this post got a little deep. It's hard to not be reflective at the New Year, though. I feel compelled to thank all of St Louis for such a great year. I've never felt more welcomed into a community. I'd also like to thank you, the readers, for sending me recommendations and the nice emails. And also, perhaps most of all, for sticking with me through the slow blogging times. I know that's annoying, but the good news is the beard thing is working! It's been 9 days since I blogged and my face looks like it's being attacked by ants.

Have a safe New Year, everyone. Mardi Gras is right around the corner!

This Water Is Delicious. Seriously, Try Some Of This Water... Right?!?!

Seeing that this is the shortest day of the year I couldn't find a reason for not making this the longest article title of the year. Actually, I just making that up. I've been looking for a fake reason to make a long title like that and this is as good a fake reason as any. Oh, and look at that - less than a week since I wrote a post. My non-shaving plan is working out splendidly. I probably wouldn't have chosen today as a great day to write, but my beard is itchy.

Man oh man, is St Louis proud of it's water. And to be completely honest, they should be. As someone who was germophobically opposed to drinking from the tap, as soon as I drank St. Louis water, I was hooked. I'm seemingly not the only one who agrees. I saw a recent tweet from Mayor Slay (who does do his own tweets!) that claimed that St Louis water ranks as one of the tops in the country for cleanliness and taste.

You know what's hard about being Mayor? Everyone wants to prove you wrong, me included. Can we get an answer from the Google machine? *pointing to the top right of my screen* Google machine: "bleep bloop blop beep" Well, look at what we have here. Saint Louis ranks as having the 9th best water in the entire US of A for 2009.

Yes, I realize this doesn't make sense. We get our water from the Mississippi River - the garbage disposal of Chicago. Look, I don't make the rules here. It's states plainly on the Environmental Working Group's website that they are indeed "scientists," and if I know one thing about scientists it's that they specialize in science. Don't fight it. It makes you seem like the crazy one.

Now for the tricky one. Who cares how clean your water is if it tastes like a sewer? Plus, scientists can't prove that something tastes better than something else (actually they can - they're scientists and can do anything). Well, here's an idea. Get hundreds of the country's Mayors together, have them all rate tap waters, tabulate the results, get yourself a winner, and pray that nothing important happens the weekend of the year where no town has a mayor. Oh, it's happened? And St Louis wins! Wow, we really are in water heaven.

I've saved thousands, perhaps millions, of dollars on bottled water since I've moved here and it's all thanks to you, City of St Louis Water Division. I have no idea how you can take Chicago's sewage and somehow turn it into better water than the stuff they drink up there, but hats off to you. And from the looks of your website, I'd say you guys are still busy. The latest news is a rate hike in 2008 that was right on the heels of your win for best tasting water. I'm going to pretend you're working with scientists to make it even better. Think about it! New and improved water! I'd gladly pay more gents. For dramatic emphasis I think I'd like to write that again. I'd gladly pay more.

Immediately going to shave.

The Weirdest Beard In All Of St Louis

Hey, have you ever had one of those 2 months where you consistently find yourself not blogging? For someone who enjoys it as much as me, I can say, with relative certainty, that it's not something I want to go through again. To prevent this from ever happening again I figured, from now on, I better implement some repercussions.

Thinking of self-inflicted punishment is no easy task. I don't want to do anything that can do physical or psychological harm. Unfortunately, that takes up most forms of punitive measure. There's always embarrassment, but I've never been one to worry too much about that. Nope, I think it's going to have to be something that not only I would hate, but would play on my sense of vanity. The answer is so easy! I. will. grow. a. beard.

What? That doesn't impress you? Even with my dramatic writing style there using all the period nonsense? Well, think again. Not only were those periods awesomely dramatic, but facial hair is a bit different for me than most dudes. First of all, let's just put it out there... The nickname: I once was the assistant coach for my boss's daughter's softball team back in Chicago. These were only 12 year old girls and they had a nickname for me - Weird Beard (note to self: awesome roller derby name). The reason for this ridicule? I have ridiculously patchy facial hair growth. It literally grows in patches.

It's a bit hard to tell (or maybe not?) in the very scruffy picture at the top of the homepage, but I have whole oceans of face void of any hair where any normal man would grow face fur. It really does look, well, weird. This wouldn't bother me so much if it weren't for work and generally looking presentable. I like to think it makes me look older.

One other strange fact about my facial hair is it's slow, easy-goin' growth. Seriously, I shaved Sunday morning - It's now Tuesday night and I barely look like I have a 5:00 shadow.That's a live shot as I write. Now combine that with the fact that my beard is, in fact, weird and maybe you can see where I'm going with this.

I'm making the commitment that I will not shave until I write a proper Arch Observer post. Don't you see? It works out perfectly. I'd likely have to write at least once a week unless I want to start showing up to client meetings looking like I tried shaving a map of Pangea into my face. A few weeks ago I took this picture:It was the point at which I couldn't let my facial hair grow out any further. My weird beard was itchy and becoming slobby. It was my breaking point - A breaking point that I can guarantee I'll be sneering to myself in the mirror about very soon.

I hope this works out because I need to do something... I've got all sorts of posts that need to be finished including a big one about my ride on the St Louis Metro with Courtney Sloger. There's video! Plus, the discovery of the graffiti wall!

Let's make this official, shall we? I, Jim Barnthouse, solemnly swear to not shave until I finish a new post on Arch Observer or until the coming internet wars destroy this site. Done and done.

Winter in St Louis Keeps Me Warm <-- See What I Did There?

Please don't count me as a fan of Winter. Ignore the fact that I love the holidays, fireplaces and the sudden plethora of clothing options. After you make fun of me in your head for a minute or two, forget about the way I jump around the house from window to window during the first good snow of the year. Instead, think about what sucks. Gloomy days, if you can even constitute 8 hours of daylight as a "day," tend to suck some of the life out of you that could have been well used on jumping around the house looking at frozen water crystals falling from the sky. Think about the week following a snowfall where the left over slushy snow turns wintery shades of black and grey. And then, of course, don't forget the bitch of them all, the cold.

Oh yeah, cold likes to mess with you. Right now it's the middle of October and 45 degrees feels pretty effing cold. You're all bundled up in a coat like you're hunting Sasquatch in Canada. But if this were January and the temp was 45, we'd all be running around in T-shirts like we're hunting Chupacabra. See? Jack Frost is straight up effing with us. And that's exactly what makes St Louis so great.

Once the shock wears off and we get used to the temperature, Winter is a fairly quick and harmless yearly ritual for St Louis. I say this comparatively, of course. I'm sure the Winter just seems like the Winter to native St Louisans, but to a Chicagoan it's awesome! It's as if Winter is just getting started and never gets to full strength. What is usually a good 4-5 months of demoralizing, snowy and blustery hell for Chicago is only 3 to St Louis. You have no idea the difference that makes unless you can do math. If you can't, the difference is 1-2 months. Metaphorically it's much bigger, though.

Actual photo of actual Chicago snow

Consider this; The average snowfall for St Louis in January is 5.4 inches total. Total! In Chicago that's fairly run of the mill for one snowfall! Average for the month in Chicago: 11.2 inches. A pretty large difference.

Still, even with so much less snow, St Louis is affected by snow more than Chicago. 3 Inches and the schools close down. The streets of Soulard never get cleared as far as I've seen. So maybe it all evens out? Nope.

The average high temperature in St Louis in January (the coldest month) is 39 degrees. The average high for Chicago in January doesn't even hit freezing! 31 degrees. My point is that even when it does snow in St Louis, and the city ridiculously grinds to a halt, the snow rarely lasts more than a few days. Meanwhile, in Chicago the snow-covers last weeks at a time. Psychological advantage: St Louis.

Here it is in rudimentary graph form:

You'll notice the only place Chicago and St Louis are tied is in the number of days in January.

The real trouble you get in a St Louis winter is the threat of ice storms. They happen fairly regularly here and although I wouldn't go so far as to call ice storms demoralizing, they do shut down a city something fierce. I suppose a shutdown city is good for at least one profession... Super-villain. They love that shit. For the rest of us though it's just the price we have to pay. A day or two stuck at home relaxing...

Anyway, St Louis, as you gear up for some good old fashioned winter depression, think about your neighbors to the north and then point and laugh. They have the Cubs AND worse weather. Things aren't so bad.

*Please note that I still love you Chicago. To prove it, I'd like to reenact a scene so common in movie relationship spats. Here goes... "Don't you dare shut me out" Annnd scene.

Arch Rival Roller Girls And A Man Named Clownvis

There's a moment in every man's life where he gets a hankerin' for some good, old fashioned girl-on-girl action. This is opposed to new fashioned girl-on-girl action which is stupid and probably just a fad. No, old fashioned is the way to go and I was lucky enough to see some of that hot, hot action with a dude named Clownvis. [Note: If you are my young cousin or one of my nieces from the future, this post is not actually about sex. I was using some double entendre to pull the reader in. Yeah, it's predictable and somewhat tasteless, but what can I do? Sex sells. Please visit your local library for more info on sex. Do not google that shit.]

On a late August night I headed down to the All American Sports Mall to check out the championship match of the region's Flat Track Roller Derby league, Arch Rival Roller Girls. Now, I'm not one to gloat, but I'm no stranger to Roller Derby. I'd seen a match or two on TV back in the 80's. You know what I'm talking about... Girls beating each other up on the rink in ridiculous WWF-like moves. Oh you don't? Well that's awesome because it gives me a reason to show you this!

Yeah, I'd seen that so I knew what to expect. It didn't matter that I had no effing clue how it was played - Because, really, who cares? I was about to see some straight up Jake The Snake style DDTs.

I had no idea how popular the Arch Rival Roller Girls were, but when I arrived 20 minutes early I was shocked that the place was packed. I had to park two parking lots away and the line to buy tickets was reaching far down the long hallway into the rink. Once I got through I headed up to the second level where the obligatory bar awaited me with the obligatory PBR special.

The first obvious difference between the above clip and the Roller Derby I was about to watch was that this match was going to be played on a flat track and there were no railings. "Audience participation," I whispered as I imagined the crowd surrounding the track shoving broom handles under skate wheels whilst dodging flying bloody girls.

As the lights dimmed the booming announcer uh, announced that we were going to have a special treat tonight. And then there he was. Perhaps the most perfect combination of two things people sometimes dress up as. Clown + Elvis = Clownvis. Or, the most awesome combination ever invented.

And then Clownvis went ahead and did something I wasn't expecting. He blew the effing roof off the place with the finest National Anthem I'd ever seen in a Sports Mall, either American or foreign. You could hear a pin drop. Need proof? Arch Observer video... "Give me a beat!"

I could barely contain my excitement for what I had just witnessed. It was the perfect introduction for what I expected to be a particularly violent and bloody derby.

Here's the thing... Yeah, that fake and ridiculously over the top Roller Derby you remember from the 80's? It's not like that at all now. It's an actual sport and one that I found more enjoyable and exciting as the night went on. In fact, I found myself getting really into it. They still hit each other but you aren't allowed to use your arms or legs. It's all about the hips and shoulders in real Derby. There's a ton of fast-paced slams and crashes but it isn't superfluous. There's strategy behind everything. The only issue you may have is figuring out the rules. Luckily, I don't have to go over them with you. Just check out Arch Rival Roller Girls website where they have a page dedicated to teaching you such things. And then, after that, check out some video.

One thing that hasn't changed is style. The Arch Rival Roller Girls are rocking some serious outfits of badassness. They also get to choose the names sewn/ironed/taped on to their jerseys. Some of my favorite names: Miss Lippy, Smarty McFly (her number is 1.21 Gigawatts!), Suri O'Killer, Riddle Lynn and Joltin' Josie. This makes me want to come up with a cool name for myself.... Damn, I just spent 15 minutes thinking of one and I've got nothing. How about Bad Ideas and my number can be zabillionity-gillion?

I know the new season starts sometime this Winter and you bet your black and blue ass I'll be there. Seriously, this is more fun than you are imagining right now. Plus, Clownvis could be there at a moments notice and that's something you can not miss. Point proven by watching the following video. Actually, all you need to do is forward it to 45 seconds and just hear a few lines of "Jesus Christ Eatin On A Chicken Wing." God bless America. And God bless you, Clownvis.

Woah. What happened?

I can't claim some sort of illness or being too busy. Actually, I can claim both, but I won't. Besides, my "illness" amounts to a three day cold and I had actual time to write. The problem was the parts where busy would happen would exhaust me enough that I preferred to think about blogging than actually doing it. Wait, you think it was just laziness don't you? Oh yeah? Take this -

Yep, that's me running a damn marathon on September 13th. That's 26.2 miles. I'm not sure how much you know about training for one of those but you spend a nice bulk of your week moving faster than any sane person - especially during the last month. It really cuts into your relaxing time. Add this to the fact that I've joined a new ad agency (St Louis based NGAGE), been partying it up at numerous Cardinals games (yay, we win) and continuously exploring/learning about living in St Louis (lots to write about) and you've got yourself a recipe for non-blogging.

Look, I know I'm not breaking any hearts here. And maybe if I hadn't claimed such frequent upcoming updates I wouldn't feel so guilty. That said, it's time for me to get back to while the getting is good. More free time + a backlog of St Louis fun = more Arch Observer-ing.

P.S. I really try not to make these posts about myself so here's a couple of extra apologies. Just put them in your pocket for an upcoming winter's day. Also, if you were a friend on Facebook you'd already know what I've been doing. Feel free to friend me if you're so inclined. http://www.facebook.com/observe