Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Weirdest Beard In All Of St Louis

Hey, have you ever had one of those 2 months where you consistently find yourself not blogging? For someone who enjoys it as much as me, I can say, with relative certainty, that it's not something I want to go through again. To prevent this from ever happening again I figured, from now on, I better implement some repercussions.
Thinking of self-inflicted punishment is no easy task. I don't want to do anything that can do physical or psychological harm. Unfortunately, that takes up most forms of punitive measure. There's always embarrassment, but I've never been one to worry too much about that. Nope, I think it's going to have to be something that not only I would hate, but would play on my sense of vanity. The answer is so easy! I. will. grow. a. beard.
What? That doesn't impress you? Even with my dramatic writing style there using all the period nonsense? Well, think again. Not only were those periods awesomely dramatic, but facial hair is a bit different for me than most dudes. First of all, let's just put it out there... The nickname: I once was the assistant coach for my boss's daughter's softball team back in Chicago. These were only 12 year old girls and they had a nickname for me - Weird Beard (note to self: awesome roller derby name). The reason for this ridicule? I have ridiculously patchy facial hair growth. It literally grows in patches.
It's a bit hard to tell (or maybe not?) in the very scruffy picture at the top of the homepage, but I have whole oceans of face void of any hair where any normal man would grow face fur. It really does look, well, weird. This wouldn't bother me so much if it weren't for work and generally looking presentable. I like to think it makes me look older.
One other strange fact about my facial hair is it's slow, easy-goin' growth. Seriously, I shaved Sunday morning - It's now Tuesday night and I barely look like I have a 5:00 shadow.That's a live shot as I write. Now combine that with the fact that my beard is, in fact, weird and maybe you can see where I'm going with this.
I'm making the commitment that I will not shave until I write a proper Arch Observer post. Don't you see? It works out perfectly. I'd likely have to write at least once a week unless I want to start showing up to client meetings looking like I tried shaving a map of Pangea into my face. A few weeks ago I took this picture:It was the point at which I couldn't let my facial hair grow out any further. My weird beard was itchy and becoming slobby. It was my breaking point - A breaking point that I can guarantee I'll be sneering to myself in the mirror about very soon.
I hope this works out because I need to do something... I've got all sorts of posts that need to be finished including a big one about my ride on the St Louis Metro with Courtney Sloger. There's video! Plus, the discovery of the graffiti wall!
Let's make this official, shall we? I, Jim Barnthouse, solemnly swear to not shave until I finish a new post on Arch Observer or until the coming internet wars destroy this site. Done and done.


jessica hutson said...

i love beards.

Josh Kocurek said...

Weird Beard is not as good as Zombie Jesus...just sayin'. I love my beard atm, but I fear for it's future once Spring/Summer rolls around.

Julie Hayes Kreun said...

i've known you a looooong time and have never, ever seen a beard. this is exciting!

Abby said...

My boyfriend has a weird beard too, he winds up with a bunch of clean patches.

I think your derby name should have something with Roundhouse.

Courtney S. said...

Holy update, Batman! My reader has been so patiently waiting to queue up Arch Observer. BTW, if you really wanted to punish yourself, you would just grow a 'stache, because with great mustache come great responsibility. And I'm sure yours would be unsightly/creepy and quite the motivator.

Looking forward to your bus post. I have been taking photos of the #99 Downtown Circ. Flickr tour this week. I think you are right...the bus needs a special look.

Welcome back to internets, Jim!

Mo said...

No way! I literally just was talking about weird beards with someone at work THIS AFTERNOON and referenced Wooly Willy....Now, that WEIRD! haha

Bridget said...

Glad you're back...missed you!